If you've had an ectopic pregnancy, your chances of getting pregnant are reduced, and your chances of having a second ectopic are higher than average, particularly if it was caused by some kind of damage to the fallopian tubes. However, despite this, many women do go on to have successful natural pregnancies afterwards.
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| Getting Over Miscarriage |
You will probably be advised to leave time for your body to recover from the ectopic pregnancy before trying for another baby, but it may take you a while to recover emotionally too. An ectopic pregnancy can be a hugely traumatic experience, and although some women feel they want to try to get pregnant again as soon as they can, others may need time to cope with their loss first.
Emotions and pregnancy loss
The emotional impact of miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy is often underestimated. As soon as women discover they are pregnant, they begin to feel involved with their unborn baby. Even when a miscarriage happens very early in the pregnancy, there is not just the physical loss but an emotional loss too. Many women go through a grieving process when they lose a baby, and part of their sadness is about the lost future they had glimpsed ahead. The raw emotion does fade with time, but there may be unexpected feelings of sadness on the baby's due date or the anniversary of the miscarriage for some years to come.
'It's recognizing that there is something to grieve about particularly with very early miscarriages. Some people have said it was ever so early, it wasn't really a baby, but the moment you see a positive test you have it arriving. You've got it going to school, you've got it heading off to university,' Corinne, 36
Men and women often experience the loss differently, and it can be hard if you feel your partner is not responding in the way you'd expected or would like. Sometimes it can increase existing tensions, but other people find it brings them closer together as a couple. Men may feel they have to try to be strong in order to support their partners, and hide their own feelings.
Other people are often difficult to deal with. They may not seem to understand what you are going through, and often don't know how to react. They may have the best intentions, or be trying to cheer you up, but can end up upsetting you. Although friends and family are often very supportive initially, there is sometimes pressure to 'get back to normal' before you feel ready for this. Other people may not appreciate how long it can take to come to terms with what has happened.
'At work people did know I'd had a miscarriage because it had happened there. Some people just avoided me to begin with, wouldn't even look me in the eye... I know they probably didn't know what to say, but I couldn't stand that' Emma, 33
Many women experience depression after a miscarriage. You may lose confidence, feel very low and unable to cope. Others feel very guilty, as if the miscarriage is somehow their fault when in fact this is not the case at all. It may be helpful to get some support at this time, and counseling or a voluntary support organization can prove invaluable.
Infertility and pregnancy loss
Pregnancy loss and infertility are both hard enough to cope with by themselves, but having to deal with a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy when you know it may not be easy to get pregnant again can seem an impossible burden. Some women find it helpful to know that at least they have conceived, and believe this offers hope for the future, whereas others don't feel this way about it at all. Miscarriage rates are thought to be higher among women who have found it difficult to conceive, but this can be partly explained by the fact that they often know they are expecting at a very early stage, and that they may be older when they get pregnant.
'It was devastating, absolutely devastating, but at the same time I drew some comfort from the fact that I could get pregnant.' Helena, 34
'People kept saying to me, "I know how you feel, I've had a miscarriage," and I thought they had no idea. Everyone thinks that their miscarriage is the worst, but other people might get pregnant again. People said things like. "Oh well, at least you got pregnant," but you don't go into trying for a baby to have the pregnancy. That's not the aim, just to have a pregnancy. It's the baby you want.' Elaine, 39
Sometimes a miscarriage can be easier for friends and family to relate to than infertility, and couples who have a miscarriage after years of infertility are sometimes surprised by the sympathetic reaction of other people who may not have been very understanding about their fertility problems.
Whatever your situation or circumstances may be, losing a baby is always going to be a difficult experience, and it is perhaps recognizing this and allowing yourself time to grieve that will help you to come to terms with what has happened and to look towards the future. To find out more, you can check out Getting Over Miscarriage.
