Being a mother doesn't have to involve using your own egg and your partner's sperm, it doesn't have to involve giving birth at all. Many women who cannot have children the traditional way discover that there are other routes to parenthood. Women may use eggs or sperm from a donor, or find another woman who is willing to carry their child in her womb, or they may decide to adopt. Although there is a wide variety of ways to become a mother, the job is pretty much the same no matter how you get there.
'If you are lucky enough to have a child, you just love that child. I don't ever think now that I wish my son had been from my eggs because it wouldn't have been him, and it feels so much like he was meant to be" Claire, 44
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| Egg Donation Infertility |
Egg donation
Women who no longer produce their own eggs, whether due to age, an early menopause or to a medical condition, may choose to use donated eggs as a route to motherhood. Egg donation was first used successfully in the 1980s, and allows a woman who would otherwise be unable to have her own children to go through the whole experience of pregnancy, giving birth and breastfeeding her baby.
If you are thinking of using donated eggs, it may throw up some emotional and ethical issues you will need to grapple with. Counseling is essential, as you need to consider the consequences for you, your partner and your child. Some people start out by thinking that they wouldn't want to tell a child at all, but it is generally accepted that it is important for children to understand the truth about how they were conceived, and to appreciate how much they were wanted.
'Hopefully, they will understand. You are bringing them up to give them as much security and to cocoon them as much as possible. You give them your morality and values' Sophie, 43
One real problem with egg donation is the shortage of available donor eggs. In order to give eggs, women have to go through almost an entire IVF cycle themselves, taking drugs to stimulate the ovaries and then having the eggs collected. This is not something anyone would undertake lightly, and there is also the risk of hyperstimulation from the IVF drugs, which makes the task of recruiting egg donors a fairly difficult one. Some women find a friend or family member who is prepared to donate eggs, or they may advertise to try to find a donor.
'My friend inspired me. She decided to put up posters around the local town asking for somebody to donate for and I thought if she could do it, I could do it. I said I'd do some press, and l'd done a couple of interviews and put the clinic's name out. We got some people coming and donating as a result of our publicity, so they moved me up the waiting list.' Debbie, 44
If a woman is interested in becoming an egg donor, she will be screened to make sure she doesn't have any infectious diseases such as HIV or hepatitis. Women usually have to be under 35 to donate eggs, as older women's eggs have a greater risk of chromosomal abnormalities and are less likely to implant. Donors and recipients are matched as closely as possible to try to get similar coloring, racial, background, height and weight.
Once the donor has been given the all-clear, she can start taking the drugs to stimulate her ovaries. Human eggs are fragile and do not survive the freezing and thawing process very well, so egg-donation cycles use fresh eggs. The recipient is also given drugs to synchronize her cycle with her donor's so that her body will be ready for the donated egg. The egg donor has her eggs collected, and they are fertilized with the recipient's partner's sperm. Then one or two can then be returned to the recipient's womb.
In some countries, such as the UK, Sweden and New Zealand, egg donors no longer have anonymity, which means that any children born from a donated egg will be able to find out about the woman who donated if they wish to at some point in the future. In some other places, egg donors are anonymous, and can never be identified.
The severe shortage of donated eggs has led to more and more women seeking treatment overseas. In countries where donors are paid and maintain their anonymity, there tend to be more donated eggs available. If you decide to be treated abroad, this may mean that your child's heritage will be very different from your own. They may wish to explore this in the future, and could feel thwarted by the fact that they may not be able to identify their genetic mother.
There may also be many practical hurdles to overcome if you are having egg donation abroad. It's not just the traveling that can be awkward, but there can be problems with language and the fact that clinics in other countries may not be subject to the same rules and regulations. They may not offer any follow-up advice or support, and probably don't provide counseling.
You may be asked to pay in advance or even to pay in cash, while some clinics offer a 'shared risk' policy where you hand over a large lump sum, part of which will be returned if you don't get pregnant after a set number of treatment cycles. You should always ensure you have done your research thoroughly before you opt for treatment abroad.
Where women are paid, there may be a wide variety of donors who may choose to donate primarily because they need the money. Altruistic donors, who don't get paid, are often women who have young families and who want to help another woman experience the happiness they have found from their children.
'I'd reached the stage in our own treatment where I was grateful for everything that was in place. I appreciated the fact that it had taken a lot for me to get pregnant, and I'd relied on a lot of people to get me there. If I'd found out I needed an egg donor, I'd have wanted somebody to be there for me, so it seemed to make sense that if I'd expected somebody to be there for me, I should do it I did my first egg donation when my children were about eight months old, and then I did four more.' Doriver, 41
Some clinics offer egg-sharing schemes where younger women who need IVF are offered cut-price treatment if they agree to donate half their eggs to another woman who needs them. This can seem an attractive offer if you need fertility treatment and can't afford to pay for it, but counseling is really important if you are considering this.
'I looked into egg sharing, but them is no anonymity. You could have a young adult knocking on your door because someone else had been successful with your eggs. It could work for someone else and not for us. I would have done it because it helps other women who aren't producing eggs, and it's a reduced price for IVF, but it's just the thought of the years to come ...' Gillian, 34. To find out more, you can check out Egg Donation Infertility.
