Some fertility clinics have their own support groups, or you may find a local group that is part of a bigger network.
There are a number of support organizations dealing with specific fertility problems and some of these have local groups that may hold occasional meetings. Support groups sometimes meet at local hospitals, at members, houses, or just get together at a local bar. Groups do vary considerably. Some of the well-established support groups are very organized and lend books and videos, arrange social events or visiting speakers and may even produce their own newsletters.
It can seem daunting to turn up at a meeting with a roomful of strangers when the only thing you have in common is the difficulty you are having getting pregnant, and support groups may not be suitable for everyone, but many people do find them really helpful.
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| Infertility Support Groups |
'I think a support group is a wonderful thing. I did have people I could talk to, but you reach a point where you think you are going to bore everybody, and you don't want to keep moaning all the time. In a support group, people understand and they don't judge you,' Gillian, 30
For some women, the thought of joining a support group can be one step too far, as it can seem as if you are accepting your infertility, which you hope will be short-lived, as a real long-term problem.
'I looked on the Internet for local groups and I couldn't decide whether I wanted to meet people in the same situation or whether I really didn't at all. I had second thoughts about doing anything like that because it made it more real. I almost didn't want to be part of a group who were infertile women because I didn't want to accept l was one of them.' Rachel, 31
Support groups used to be the only way of getting in touch with others with the same problem, but now many people prefer not to have to go out and face what they fear could be an awkward meeting with a group of strangers. The popularity of traditional support groups has declined in recent years as the Internet has taken over as a way of getting in touch, and some support groups find they are more successful when they arrange casual meetings in bars or cafes, rather than the more formal hospital setting.
Internet support
Fertility support on the Internet has become hugely popular, and there are any number of online support networks that will help you to find other people who have the same fertility problem, who are going through the same tests and treatment, and who may even be at the same clinic. There is always someone to talk to, help is there whenever you need it, and you don't need to leave your home to access it. Many women find themselves online friends, or 'cycle buddies', who are going through treatment at the same time, and find it really useful to be able to discuss their experiences as they happen.
'There were six or seven of us who were starting a cycle at the same time and we went through the whole month on a forum talking it through. It was incredibly helpful. It was small things like the first time you have to inject yourself, it was really useful to go on and read somebody else saying it wasn't as bad as they thought. It made it much less scary.' Nicol, 33
When you first start using the fertility websites, it can be hard to work out what on earth people are talking about. If someone tells you they and their dh have been ttc for four years, have just been through their 2ww after IVF and had a BFN, you may be completely confused. This means they and their partner (dh - dear husband) have been trying to conceive (ttc) for four years, have just been through the two weeks of waiting to find out whether they are pregnant (2ww) after having IVF and have been unsuccessful (BFN - big fat negative). Fortunately, most sites have a page translating all the abbreviations and you may find yourself whizzing back to them a lot at first.
Although many women find Internet support absolutely invaluable, you should bear in mind the fact that postings on message boards are from other patients, and some of the advice and information they give may not be medically accurate. At the same time, for a patient's-eye view of treatment, they are incredibly useful.
For some women, even Internet support feels too intrusive, whereas others don't like the idea of talking intimately to people they don't know. In those circumstance, the information produced by national support networks and books about infertility can prove a godsend.
The main benefit of any kind of support wherever you prefer to find it is the realization that you are not the only woman living with this, that there are many others out there who are going through exactly the same thing and experiencing the same emotions. To find out more, you can check out Infertility Support Groups.
