Waiting for the right partner
Perhaps the most important factor of all in finding the right time to have a child is finding the right person to build a family with. In our twenties, our priorities may be more focused on our careers and social lives than on finding the right partner to settle down with, but as we get older, and more aware of our biological clock, the pressure to meet the right person can become intense. Most of us have grown up with the expectation that we will meet someone first and then start a family, and for women in their thirties who feel ready to have a child, the lack of a suitable partner can be the major stumbling block.
 |
| Best Tips To Getting Pregnant |
In the past, women in this position might have felt their only option was to settle down with the first vaguely acceptable man who came along, but we may be less prepared to make that kind of compromise today. Women are used to being financially and emotionally independent and to taking responsibility for their own lives, and may not be willing to accept the idea of a less than ideal relationship just because it will give them the opportunity to have a child. Using donor sperm, it is possible for a woman to have a child without having a man, and this is a way ahead that more women are actively considering.
'I had the option to go out and find myself a bloke but that's easier said than done, and also very wrong to get into a relationship because you want children and then split up a few years later, or get drunk and have a one-night stand. I didn't want my six-year old to say, "Who is my daddy?" and to shrug my shoulders and say,"l don't know - some bloke ..." The option of being childless is very sad, and I live in an age where I have the choice and the technology to prevent that.' Mary, 41
Lesbian couples and motherhood
Whereas once their sexuality might have stood in the way of motherhood, it no longer poses the same kind of problem for lesbian couples, who can use donated sperm to start a family. The lifestyle factors involved in finding the right time to have children, feeling settled in a relationship, being financially secure and the restraints of the biological clock are exactly the same, but a lesbian couple must also make a decision as to which of them will carry the baby. This may be based on age and work circumstances, as well as considering which of them is most keen to experience pregnancy and birth.
'I always assumed that I would have children. I came out as a lesbian when I was 18 or 19. That was just about the time when there was a lot of publicity about lesbian mothers. I never thought there would be a contradiction between the two things' Naomi. 39
Finding what's right for you
For all women, single or with a partner, gay or straight, finding the right time to have a child involves taking into account a whole series of considerations based around our situation, circumstance and expectations. Having children is no longer an automatic step, and although having more choices may have made our lives richer, it has also made the decision-making process more complicated.
The time may never feel absolutely ideal, but an awareness of our biological clock can help crystallize our thoughts. Despite all the advances in reproductive technology, we have to accept that we may not be able to leave it as late as we would like, and our age may be the crucial decision-making factor for many of us. Finding the right relationship is often key too, although it is no longer unusual for women to sidestep this, particularly if they feel time is running out. Feeling secure and settled, being at the right point in your career, having the right home or the right salary may all influence your decision, but we have to remember that each of us will have her own interpretation of her circumstances, and must make her own decision about when the time is right. To find out more, you can check out Best Tips To Getting Pregnant.
