The reality is that having a child is never easy, and there may be added financial and emotional burdens if you are going through it alone. You will not only have to get through the tough times alone, but you may feel you don't have anyone to share the good times with either. On the other hand, there may be some positive aspects to being a lone parent, as you will be able to make all the parenting decisions, and to take sole responsibility for choosing how you bring up your child.
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| Coping With Infertility |
There may be little time for yourself, and this can make it harder to go out and meet new people and start new relationships. However, some women feel this actually gets easier when you have your child first. The desire for a child can put an intense pressure on fledgling relationships when you are trying to assess your partner as a potential parent from the first date, and although time and money commitments may make it harder, some women do meet a new partner after having a child.
Changing times
We tend to think that choosing to have a child alone is a modern-day choice, and it was certainly more unusual a generation ago, but donor sperm has been a possibility for single women for decades, if they could find a doctor willing to treat them.
'I did feel like a pioneer. I didn't know anyone else who had done it. It was very hard, but better than the alternative of asking chaps round to supper who otherwise you wouldn't really want to sleep with. I went to a clinic in London and they agreed to treat me. My godmother hit the roof that I was having an illegitimate child. It wasn't unheard of, but it was awkward. There was still that stigma then. Certainly things have changed in the last 20 years.' Victoria, 63
So, should I do it?
Making the decision to have a child alone may not be easy, but it is certainly no longer an unusual choice. What advice would women who have already gone it alone give to others who are considering making the same decision?
I can absolutely, hand-on-heart say, aren't I lucky this was possible? Otherwise I would have probably either had a bad marriage and been a desperate woman, or been a bitter, childless woman.' Mary, 41
'I'd say go for it. I know lots of people that have regretted waiting too long. I don't know anybody that's ever had a baby and then regretted it afterwards.' Gwyneth, 43
Living Without Children
Whether you are actively child-free or involuntarily childless, you are part of a growing minority of women. Living without children is no longer unusual, partly because more women feel able to make an active choice not to have children, and partly because many others find the opportunity eludes them. Whether you see yourself as child-free or childless, it can still be difficult to feel comfortable in a world where the family tends to be seen as a cornerstone of society.
'The culture we live in is very child-orientated. Children are virtually treated like gods in some families, and everything revolves around them. If you don't have children and you're not a family, then you're somehow not part of the culture that is prevalent at the moment. There's a big child-free section and our voices are totally forgotten.' Sore, 44. To find out more, you can check out Coping With Infertility.
