Age is often the key factor in making the decision to start trying to have a family. We know that we get less fertile as we get older and that we risk not being able to have children if we leave it too long, but at the same time most of us want to have enjoyed some child-free time before we submerge ourselves in the responsibilities of family life.
If you know you want children, and particularly if you feel you'd like more than one, your age is not something you can choose to ignore. Although many women do get pregnant in their late thirties and early forties, by this age we are well past our peak fertility. It would be wonderful if there were no time restraints on female fertility and if concerns about being able to cope with small children were the only potential worry of starting a family in our forties. If you know you want a child eventually, your awareness of the ticking of your biological clock may be more important than anything else in pushing you towards motherhood. Many women do find that at a certain point they suddenly feel ready to have children, but this may happen to one woman in her twenties, and another in her late thirties and is likely to be affected by your circumstances.
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| How To Help Your Chances Of Getting Pregnant |
'I started to think about my biological clock when I was 29. I'd been with my partner then for nearly nine years and I was very aware that I was getting near to 30, and that while my husband-to-be could take all the time in the world to make his choices, I couldn't.' Siobhan, 41
Your job
Fitting a family around your career can be difficult. We no longer believe that we need to choose between a career and a family, but we may have concerns about being sidelined at work, or having to reduce our options once we have children. Finding the right time to have a baby often involves some kind of compromise on the work front.
Women who get pregnant in their early twenties may build successful careers once their children start school, whereas those who wait until they are heading towards the top of their career paths may find it easier to take a break as they are already well established. Most women think about starting families somewhere in between these two points, and it is not always the easiest time from a work perspective.
Some jobs, and some employers, are far more family-friendly than others and offer good maternity benefits, plenty of time off and even the opportunity of returning to work part-time or working flexibly. The downside of arrangements like these is that they may involve stepping sideways, or even backwards, on the career ladder, but that can seem a price worth paying if you are trying to juggle work and childcare. Some women manage to fit children around their careers very successfully, and having a family may be just one of many priorities, but, for others, becoming a mother is always going to be the most important role.
Your relationship
The decision to start trying to have a baby can be particularly difficult if your partner is less keen to make a commitment. Men are largely free from time constraints on their fertility, and although research suggests that there may be some age-related decline in male fertility, they are unlikely to feel the same pressure to have a child sooner rather than later. A woman in her late thirties will be aware that she is cutting it fine if she wants a family, particularly if she intends to have more than one child, whereas her male counterpart may feel safe in the knowledge that waiting another five years is unlikely to make a great deal of difference to his chances of becoming a father.
It can be tough if you feel ready, or if you are worried that time is running out, and your partner wants to wait. Women in this situation often feel they are being forced to make a choice between having a child and staying with their partner. This dilemma does put an end to some otherwise happy relationships, or alternatively can leave women resenting the fact that they feel they are wasting their remaining fertile years waiting for a partner who isn't ready to commit.
It is not always the female partner who is rooting to start a family. Women have to carry babies, give birth and breastfeed, and sometimes it is the woman who is reluctant to try to get pregnant, as she may be keenly aware that the advent of children means her life will change far more than her partner's. Women still bear the brunt of childcare responsibilities in most relationships, and may be worried about the sacrifices they know they will have to make.
Most couples do eventually come to some kind of agreement when one of them is keener to start a family than the other, but it is important to make sure that you are both happy with your decision, as having children, or choosing not to have them, will affect the rest of your lives.
'I never wanted kids from a young age. I didn't have that maternal instinct, My husband is more traditional. I would have left it later if he hadn't wanted kids, but I'm glad he pushed me into it when we got married. I could potentially have resented losing my freedom if I'd had kids earlier, but now l am ready.' Mikaelo, 32. To find out more, you can check out How To Help Your Chances Of Getting Pregnant.
