Child-free by choice
Women who have made an active decision to be child-free sometimes feel that they are out on a limb too. Despite the fact that so many of us don't live in a traditional family setting with two parents and children, we still tend to see this as the norm. Those who step outside this can feel judged and misunderstood.
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| Options For Infertility |
'There's a presumption that having children and a family is always a good thing, that it is automatically more important, more valuable. Parents and anything to do with children are deemed to be beyond criticism and that, more than anything, can isolate you. Just because I don't want children that doesn't mean I don't like people.' Wendy, 37
In fact, statistics suggest that more and more women are coming to the conclusion that they don't want to have children. Some may have always felt certain about their choice from any early age, whereas others do feel a degree of ambivalence about motherhood. Women who know they aren't ready to have children, and are certain they don't have any maternal instincts, are often told that they will regret it later if they don't have a child.
Assumptions are often made about the lives and personalities of the child-free based purely on the fact that they don't have children. They may be expected to be rich, successful career women who are simply too busy for a family, but in fact, many women who make this choice are far from the stereotype. You do not need a wonderful career, or a great deal of money, to decide that you'd rather not have children.
'Most people who have kids assume that people who don't have children have a high-flying career or an expensive lifestyle, and think they can't afford children and don't have time for children, which all sounds a bit harsh. There are plenty of us who have normal mundane jobs and pretty normal mundane lives.' Sara, 44
In fact, it is in the workplace that the child-free often feel they suffer most discrimination. Parents may complain about the difficulties of achieving an adequate work-life balance, but employers are actively encouraged to offer family-friendly work environments, and there are often tax breaks and other financial incentives for those who choose to reproduce. Parents may get generous maternity and paternity leave, the opportunity for flexible working and preferential treatment over time off and holidays, which can leave the child-free feeling short-changed.
It can seem as if there are huge gaps in understanding between those who are child-free and happy with their choice, and those who have children and assume everyone else ought to want them too. Some parents find it hard to understand how anyone could deliberately choose to be child-free, and cannot always accept that it is possible to be truly happy without children. Women who have made an active decision not to have children tend to relish the freedom that their choice has given them. They can be impulsive, they can do what they want, when they want to do it. They are not tied down by responsibilities, and can enjoy spending time with their partners. They are perhaps the best illustration that it is perfectly possible to live a rich, fulfilled and exciting life without children. To find out more, you can check out Options For Infertility.
